Happy Mardi! It's another beautiful afternoon in Montpellier, and I'm outside on my laptop...alone. I have a mini confession to make. I've been spending a lot of time solo dolo out here...maybe more than I'd like. I was told beforehand that studying abroad would be one of the most growing experiences in life. I think I've come to my growth moment.
I was really excited to coming to this country after learning about the culture and the vast, long history, and you know, just BEING in the country. I don't think I thought about much else, including what I would do with the other students here or with my host family. It wasn't until today after I got home from class that everything just came and tears began to fall (that and maybe the fact that mother nature has paid me my monthly visit). How did I end up by myself once again? I asked myself. Why wasn't I invited to do anything with anyone or at least asked what my plans were? Now, that actually did happen, and I was feeling crappy, so I really wanted some water and nap. But nevertheless, I came to a grand revelation.
Plain and simple, I have problems communicating well, especially when it comes to sharing my feelings, thoughts and concerns. It's been this with the group. I never really know what anyone else does until the next day in class, and I never ask what anyone else is doing. My host mom has been stuck with this too. She usually doesn't know whether or not I understand what she's saying or I'm trying to process what she just said, so resorted to speaking mainly in English, which I do NOT like. I may not understand, but I'm still TRYING to get stronger in the language.
I like to call myself a receiver more than a giver, meaning I wait for someone to speak first before I say anything, majority of the time. The only time I don't do this is when I really wanna reach out to some folks, which is what I seem to be doing with my friends and family back home. I'm so busy missing the life I was living that I haven't fully come into this new season of my life, meeting new people, experiencing new things. Only Lord knows what my classmates may think of me since I always go incognito and barely speak in class.
BUT....I'm still in France, and the program isn't over yet. My professor (who's really awesome by the way) mentioned in the syllabus that the class is what you make of it and take out of it, and I think that applies to my entire stay here. I may have retreated back to my shy, quiet ways, but I don't have to stay here.
I'm currently reading this book The Five Love Languages, and the author mentions about how people were made to be relational, and how if anything relationships really shape how a person is doing in life. They can be doing great in their schoolwork, work, church, whatever, but if the relationships they have with others suck, then they ain't a happy camper. That being said, I have decided to at least take the initiative, go completely outside of my comfort zone, and SPEAK up. I hope and pray that it will make the next two weeks much more enjoyable and less blah at times.
God moves EVERYWHERE! C'est tout.
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